Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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