My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
