I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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