I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
