We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
