I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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