Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
