we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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