i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I intend to get homeless drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
