ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
