How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
