you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
