i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
