Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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