they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
FUCK WHALES
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
