i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
