It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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