apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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