he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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