shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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