if only i could text you this smell
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
