he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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