I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
