True but thats because hes a fetus.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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