i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
