It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
