Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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