you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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