if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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