Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
