She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
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based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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