Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Randomize
