Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
