Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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