Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
two words...techno handjob
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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