Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
