I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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