At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
