you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you win again, gameday.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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