it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
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dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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