we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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