i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Drake has all the answers
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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