I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The air taste purple.
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