I'm drive I can fine osifer
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
