I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i will never coherently bang her
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
