I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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