My Higher Power is John Stamos
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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