When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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