what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
