$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
