tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
