She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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