hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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