I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
