her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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