Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
