Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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