Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
