If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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