just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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