Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize