I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
