I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
