I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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