Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
