super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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