why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
