I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
